Derrylaughan Woman Implicated In Turf War
The mystery of the missing turf from McAliskey’s rampart appears to be nearing its conclusion with the revelation that a local woman has been monitored early each morning walking ‘oddly’. A reported £48 worth of turf has been stealthily removed from the McAliskey land over the past three months with various families at war over rumours, speculation and random accusations. A violent field fight during the Washingbay Sports last month resulted in hospitalisations for the majority of the McNulty, Robinson, McAliskey and McGrath families from the area.
However, it appears that a small piece of investigative journalism work has moved the conundrum towards the finishing line. 16-year old Gerdy Wallace takes up the story:
“I’d been taking the ass out for a walk every morning at 6 because it gets little real exercise during the day. Each morning, I’d meet Anna Cushnahan and thought no more of it. We’d nod our heads and just say ‘rightly’. However, I did notice she seems to have a bit of a limp. After a week I asked her if the legs were hurting. She told me to mind me ‘own effing business ye wee runt’. “
Suspicious, Wallace from then on kept a good eye on Cushnahan as she approached. He thought he spotted strands of turf root hanging from under her dress. He also noticed her hands were filthy and her backside seemed rather bulky as she passed.
“I can’t be sure but I’m almost certain that Anna has been stuffing two, possibly three, sods of turf down her knickers every morning. My da told me that her great great grandfather was caught stealing about a pound’s worth of peat on the same patch of land in 1856 not too long after the famine and was transported to Van Dieman’s Land.”
Cushnahan refused to comment but a loyal neighbour said that Anna’s clan always had a strange walk, “like a drunk peacock.”