The cuttin sign

The PSNI today announced that, from June 1st 2021, anyone seen spreading their fingers out wide up against their windscreen in a ‘how’s she cuttin’ manner as they meet another motorist will have 6 points added to their licence as well as face a £300 on the spot fine.

Since cars were first used in the lowlands in 1972, motorists from Moortown down to Derrytresk have greeted each other with the ninety degree hand gesture. It is only in recent years that passengers have joined in on the greeting, making driving somewhat treacherous according to Chief Constable Kitty O’Hare:

“It’s just too dangerous. I was attending a disagreement over access to a field in Drumurrer last week and kept an eye on the amount of cars offering their greetings to the arguing farmers. One car passed by and as well as the driver and passenger giving the ‘cuttin’ sign, three children in the back leapt forward into the front to add their ‘hello’. So, there were five hands spread out over the windscreen. How can anyone drive like that? We’ll be running courses in the near future for all motorists east of Cookstown to take which will promote simply raising your finger on the steering wheel and nodding.”

Locals have reacted strongly to the news. Brocagh cat neuterer Harry Turner says he’ll not be changing.

“My father and my father’s father gave the ‘cuttin’ sign on the windscreen. I myself have used two hands if I really liked the person. The police would serve their time better out chasing the perverts down at the Washingbay watching the women bathing in the Lough.”

Constable O’Hare also suggested coming up with a new greeting and will be calling in to homes starting at Tamnamore next week.

“Think about it – ‘How’s she cuttin’ and the reply ‘rightly’ makes no sense at all. Apparently the ‘cuttin’ thing is farmer talk dating back 100 years ago when farmers would discuss how good their wives were at cutting up the potatoes. We’re suggesting it’s replaced with ‘Greetings and Salutations’, with the reply ‘Why, thank you sir’.”

Harry Turner, when asked if he’ll buy into the new language, simply said ‘away te feck’.