Top examination boards have approved a new A-Level in Slabberin which will start teaching from September 2021 in three schools in the county. It is expected to see a high level of demand following concerns of the decline of good slabberers in the county in recent years.

Students will be able to specialise in various topics such as politics, farming, GAA, viruses, the TV, cars, and weekend activities. It is expected that a clear career pathway in Slabberin will be offered by universities through a Degree in Slabberin followed by a Masters in Slabberin.

Course director Gareth O’Neill explained:

“We hope to have over 300 Slabberin masters in Tyrone by the end of this decade. The art of slabberin has declined in recent years, with many young people stuck in their phones and not slabberin about anything that comes in to their head. We’ll be the slabberin capital of the world again.”

The first cohort of slabberers will cover a module this side of Hallowe’en on ‘shouting at football matches and general gulpin behaviour in public’.

Meanwhile, Tyrone GAA have told average to poor club players to stop running up and down the hill at Garvaghey, as they will not be picking new players if the current squad can’t fulfill their fixture v Kerry.