Clonoe Testicle Chair

After recent fears that women were entering the priesthood disguised as men, Clonoe Parish have confirmed that their first usage of the ‘Testicle Chair’ has been successful with the new priest confirmed as a fully-working male and therefore able to complete his duties.

The controversial chair, which has a large key-hole shape cut out in the seat, will now be put away in the Clonoe Parish safe until it is next needed. The identity of the testicle-checker remains a secret although it is rumoured to be a member of the Clonoe Parish Committee.

The priest in question, Fr Johnny Quinn who originally hails from the Duckingstool, admits he’s delighted that he passed the test at the first time of asking:

“After all the talk about women dressing up as men and entering Maynooth I understand why this measure was taken. Even though I know I am a man I was still nervous as the seat was rather cold and I was afraid that maybe everything wasn’t hanging as normal under the robe. Fortunately, the checker was thorough and I can do my duties.”

The Parish minutes for the meeting reveals that ‘at 5:33pm on Monday 18th May Fr Quinn was ratified as a male with the cry of “He’s got testicles. Praise the Lord” from the testicle checker who was dressed in a medieval garment whilst rummaging under the chair. The Testicle Chair will now be washed and stored until further notice.’ 

The Testicle Chair designer, Tommy Walsh from Derrylaughan, confirmed he received over 200 orders from various agencies since the successful first outing for his new 120-degree contraption. Walsh also revealed he will added a heated-seat option for the more sensitive user.

The parish have also advertised for more testicle checkers after Fr Quinn complained of the current checker of being a bit heavy handed.