Monthly Archives: March 2023
Donaghmore Woman Makes Thousands Selling Pictures Of Her Verruca/Bunion Feet On Internet
A three-time East Tyrone’s Strongest Woman winner has made the county’s top 100 earners after she made £800’000 selling pictures of her unkempt feet to buyers across the globe on the World Wide Web.
Chrissy Campbell-Quinn was inundated with requests for pictures of her feet after she innocently posted a picture of one of her feet on Instagram, showing off how it had accumulated 8 verrucas after a trip to a swimming pool in Donegal.
Within hours, she received over 9000 messages from mostly men asking for pictures of her other foot which had enormous bunions on it. Since then, Campbell-Quinn has started her own subscription website where people pay £10 for her to say happy birthday to them and then show her bunioned foot, as well as the verruca one as well if they pay £20.
“It’s deadly money. A man from Galbally offered me £50 per foot if I showed them and then said ‘Up Galbally’ at the end. Some mad people out there but I’m not complaining. I intend to go back to that swimming pool to top up my verrucas.”
Pictures of feet in Tyrone are frowned upon by the local clergy.
Carrickmore Man Takes Big Minus Offer on The Chase, Leaving Team Owing The Chaser Money
A Carrickmore mountaineer has gone underground after he took a minus £4000 offer on today’s episode of the chase, leaving his team owing the Chaser £1000 whether they won the chase or not.
Patsy Gormley, who won his individual round against the Chaser for -£4000 after correctly guessing that there were no beans in an Irish Fry, was booed by the entire airport at Aldergrove when he landed tonight and was whisked away in a Ford Cortina heading in the direction of Aughnacloy.
His remaining teammate on the show, Alan Winterbottom from Sussex, couldn’t believe it when Gormley went for the minus offer.
“I had to go to the bank to get £500 to pay the Chaser. I’m not even sure if Gormely paid up his £500. I’ll not be visiting Carrickmore in a hurry I’ll tell you that. What a rotter!”
Gormley also appeared on Pointless in 2021 but the show was never aired after he threw a chair at the 6′ 7” co-presenter Richard Osman who used the name Londonderry in a question.
Saint Patrick Disliked Piano-Keyed Accordions, The Colour Green, And Hated Bodhrán Players, Claims Historian
In an explosive revelation this morning, a Dromore historian has revealed that documents he found in a field near his house confirm that St Patrick wasn’t all that fussed on Ireland all the time he was here, including the weather and the price of fuel.
A diary entry from 1600 years ago, in what has been confirmed as St Patrick’s handwriting, mentions the disdain he had for bodhrán players due to the fact that 30 of his sheep he was tending were skinned overnight by raiders from Carrickmore who managed to make over 100 bodhráns out of them.
The diary, found by Judith Graham, continued:
“And don’t get me started on piano-keyed accordions. The noise of them goes right through me and they think they’re all it. And it’s always pishing down here. Then you try to dry out but the price of turf is through the roof”
Patrick went on to have a go at the colour green in language which cannot be printed here.
On a positive note, when passing through Pomeroy, Patrick wrote that he thought the women here were ‘up for a good laugh’ and that he hoped to one day marry a local girl with good hips and strong arms to help him fend off sheep scalpers.
WHAT’S ON IN TYRONE – THIS WEEKEND
SATURDAY 4TH MARCH
BALLYGAWLEY – RAVE AT THE ROUNDABOUT
In order to raise spirits after recent defeats, the Tyrone County Board is holding a rave in the middle of the Ballygawley Roundabout. Classics such as ‘Blanket On The Ground’ and ‘Cotton Eye Joe’ will be rehashed for the techo age. DJ Endza McGinley. Roundabout opens 7pm
STEWARSTOWN – BARE KNUCKLE BOXING FOR WOMEN
Stewartstown Committee has scheduled a bare-knuckle competition for women between the ages of 18 and 90. The ‘last woman standing’ event will see a prize of a £50 voucher to be spent in Lowes Butchers. Outsiders are not welcome. First fight 8pm.
DONAGHMORE – WALK TO POMEROY AND BACK
The Donaghmore Walkers’ Society have organised their maiden Donaghmore to Pomeroy walk, a treacherous expedition not attempted since Paudge Donnelly tried it in 1964. He was never seen again but legend has it he still roams the mountains. Bring your own weapon and a flask of tea. Walk starts at 5am.
SUNDAY 5TH MARCH
STRABANE – BEAR-WATCHING DAY
The annual bear-watching day takes place this Sunday at the Home Bargains car park from 9am-12pm, before the shops open. Bears once ran wild in Strabane over 2500 years ago so the locals maintain a tradition of keeping count of the bears in the area on the first Sunday in March every year. There hasn’t been one since 1744 but that one turned out to be a bare man from Castlederg.
TATTYREAGH – AGRICULTURAL POETRY WORKSHOP
In what will be the third week of the workshop, participants will be asked to find words that rhyme with cow, tractor, baling twine, harvester, and spud. Two hours. The first rhyming word is thrown in at 3pm.
DERRYLAUGHAN – EEL-SKINNED ARTEFACT DISPLAY
The Loughshore Eel Appreciation Society is opening up its valued artefacts to be viewed by the public for free. Some examples are the eel-skinned handbags used by local women up until 1998, eel-skinned dentures, an eel-skinned small tractor, and eel-skinned pencil cases for children which are still in use. The display opens at 12pm.
Tyrone Tribulations 