Monthly Archives: June 2023
Dromore Man Still In Glastonbury Field Waiting On Elton John Encore
An Elton John fanatic from Dromore Co Tyrone is refusing to leave the field he was in at Glastonbury in case Elton John does an encore and sings Step Into Christmas, FIVE DAYS after the event ended.
Patsy McMenamin, who has followed Elton John since Rocket Man came out in 1972 because of his love for rockets and spaceships, has tied himself to a tree at the venue in the chance that Elton might reappear and do a rendition of Step Into Christmas which is his second favourite song.
Organisers and stewards are currently holding a meeting regarding cutting down the tree and dragging McMenamin from the site with a rope and a tractor.
McMenamin fumed:
“He’ll come on yet. His mobility isn’t great and combined with his memory loss, it is perfectly reasonable to expect him to remember he hasn’t sang Step Into Christmas. I’ll give him til Sunday which is a week. If he doesn’t come back to sing it, it’s the last buckin time I’ll go to see him.”
If Elton does return he’ll have to sing it on the field without a microphone as the stage and electrics have now gone.
Dutch Businessman Invents Midge-Flavoured Chewing Gum After Visit To Ardboe
A successful Dutch entrepreneur, who has been credited with the sensational silencer for wooden clogs, has taken the confectionary world by storm by inventing midge-flavoured chewing gum which is already proving a smash hit for those from East Tyrone living abroad.
Terry Van Dirnagh (55), who shot to fame in 1998 after developing a silencer for wooden clogs favoured by Dutchmen on nights out, has already shipped over 50’000 units of his gum, named ‘Fly Chewy’, to places such as Australia, New York and Dublin.
Van Dirnagh is convinced this is only the start:
“I was walking through Ardboe at the start of May and noticed that many of the locals were eating chewing gum with their mouths opened and there were loads of flies flying into their mouths and they didn’t mind at all. It then hit me that many exiles are probably missing the experience of midges and chewing gum in the one go. I can’t believe how popular it is. It goes well with 7-Up i’m told.”
Van Dirnagh was recently cleared of accusations that his silencer on clogs allowed Dutch burglars to sneak upstairs in houses undetected.
Tyrone Tribulations 