Category Archives: annaghnaboe
Training for the 2024 Olympics began in earnest across the county today after it emerged that break-dancing, wife-carrying and more importantly line-dancing were added to the official schedule for the Paris Games.
Tammy Kilpatrick (40) from Annaghnaboe, the East Tyrone Line-Dancing champion from 1998-2017, has come out of retirement in a bid to become Tyrone’s first gold medalist at the Olympics and has already downloaded Achy Breaky Heart, Boot Scootin’ Boogie and Chattahoochee in order to brush off the cobwebs:
“I can’t believe it. I’d be very confident. Once you win in Ardboe Hall, you can win anywhere including the big arenas in Paris. Let’s be honest, it’s going to be between us and the Yanks and I’m not sure if they have the hunger we have here. I’m starting to think Brooks was bribed not to come to Croke Park all those years ago to keep us on the back foot.”
Early rules have already stated that all men must wear a checked shirt tucked into their jeans which may need practising as many locals had begun practising the more European shirt outside jeans look in recent years.
Schools will receive grants for after-schools line-dancing classes in preparation for the Los Angeles 2028 Olympics which will hope to garner 12 gold medals for the Emerald Isle.
One of Tyrone’s most accomplished linguists, Terrence McNeill, is currently floating in a capsule in space as he prepares to become the first Irish man to work on the International Space Station.
McNeill, who can fluently speak over six languages from his stove-fitting experiences in Dungannon, will install a state-of-the-art stove in the Russian quarter on board the ISS after winning the contract from another tender in Lithuania. The Drummurrer man was rocketed off into space from Houston last night and is currently aiming to park his space capsule ‘Meenagh’ some time tonight if he can line it up correctly and soberly.
His wife, Anita, revealed it was a great honour for their family:
“We always knew he was deadly at the stove fitting and deadly at the languages so he’d be a deadly boy for fitting stoves up there for the Russians. I can’t relax though til he parks it as he’s liable to have a couple of drinks on him and might overshoot the parking bay and blow the whole thing up. I hope not. I also hope the diarrhoea has cleared up.”
McNeill underwent 3 weeks of intensive training in America before the launch and although he failed 90% of the tests, the Drummurrer man convinced NASA officials he’d work it out up there as he was ‘good at thinking on his feet’. At a packed conference he explained:
“I’m sure it’s just like parallel parking. I’ll put the shoe to the burd, get her docked and then pile into the ISS with my tools and get wired into the stove. I’ll be out by Monday I reckon. I’m just worried about the diarrhoea.”
McNeill has promised to tweet aerial pictures of Drummurrer, Annaghnaboe and Cloghog from space.