Coalisland Undertaker Told To Stop Winking And Smiling At Old People

Dorman, just very friendly?

Dorman, just very friendly?

Worried Coalisland residents have signed and handed in a petition to local undertaker Padjoe Dorman, demanding that he maintain a consistent facial expression whilst out and about in the town.

Dorman, who claims he has absolutely no special ability to predict when old people will expire, has been accused of worrying hundreds of pensioners since he expanded his business last month by adding on an extension at the back of his premises. 77-year old retired wrestler Kenny Campbell from Annagher told us of his ordeal:

“I met Dorman outside the butchers on Christmas Eve and he winked at me with a smirk on his face. Then he says ‘I hope ye get time to ate that ok’. He’s trying to scare us into the grave. Some operator.”

81 year old Mary McAleer from Newtownkelly added to the catalogue of complaints:

“That man has me tortured. At the local nativity play in the Primate Dixon school he kept looking over at me and sizing me up and down, like as if he was measuring me. Then he nodded at me and closed his eyes really slowly. I’m not imagining it. I didn’t sleep for days after it and had to get nerve tablets. To be honest I’m still not well.”

Dorman has denied any accusations of skulduggery:

“I’m just a friendly fellow. I’m an ‘Island man to the core and I love my people, alive or dead. And to show no ill feeling towards those on the petition, if any of them die within the next five years, I’ll throw in a free embalming session. Now, you can’t get much better than that.”

Dorman also added he has opened an off-licence at the back of his premises.

Advertisements

About Gombeen

Trying hard to make it up.

Posted on January 13, 2014, in Coalisland and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 10 Comments.

  1. Climbing Mountains Chasing Dreams

    Funniest story i’ve read in years…. You only get this sense of humour in Ireland lol…..BRILLIANT ๐Ÿ˜€

    Like

  2. lol A Shabeen no doubt…lol – If he is an “Island man to the core”…lol

    Like

  3. Great story! I’d love to interview Padjoe Dorman on https://vimeo.com/145825369 Funeral Nation TV!

    Liked by 1 person

  1. Pingback: Coalisland Undertaker Told To Stop Winking And Smiling At Old People | Listamlet ,Listamlaght

  2. Pingback: Tyrone Tribulations – 2 Years Old Tomorrow | Tyrone Tribulations

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

The Media Student's Book Blog

Film and media education

LUCID BEING

Out Of Body Energy & Frequency To Empower! โ˜€๏ธ Digital Art Rendering From Various Sourced Photography by Lucid Being!

In Dianes Kitchen

Recipes showing step by step directions with pictures and gadget reviews

Video Games Guide - PS Vita, PS3, Xbox , Wii - BestVideoGames.site

Video Games Guide - PS Vita, PS3, Xbox , Wii

Young Writers and Poets

If writing is your dream, you are at the right place!

Naturesl0vers

All about nature

Dining with Donald

Donald on dining in and out

Fourteen Lines

A Sonnet Obsession

The Irish Peace Process

Catholic Afterthoughts

Ryan Harper Writing

Short Stories, Poems and Songs and random observations

My Journey:

Me and my daughters journey with a GATA2 deficiency, myelodysplasia, a bone marrow transplant and beyond..............

Amber, Like the Traffic Light

Twenty-something, dog obsessed, book-binging gal

Minimal Belle

Creative, mindful & compassionate living

%d bloggers like this: