Benburb Man Doesn’t Like Champ. Mixed Reception.

No more for Rafferty's mouth

No more for Rafferty’s mouth


By Staff Reporter Shengas McGlumphie

A 28-year old Benburb joiner finally admitted to his family yesterday lunchtime that he doesn’t like champ, and never has. Aiden Rafferty’s dramatic ‘coming out’ occurred during a chicken roast dinner at his ma’s house in the Tullydowey Road before Eastenders on RTE, when he finally plucked up the courage to tell his father Tom, mother Mary, and two sisters Roisin and Rachel.

“Growing up I knew I was different to the other kids,” said Rafferty. “They were all just horsing the champ into them like mad and I just wasn’t like that. I was always confused about my feelings towards the potato. Some of the kids used to call me hurtful names, ‘potater hater’ and all that. I tried to ignore the cruel jibes but it was never easy, especially the Dungannon ones at the Academy.”

It has emerged that his family are still adjusting to the news. Late last night a fight was reportedly broken up outside the Benburb Arms involving Tom Rafferty who reacted violently to a bit of gentle slagging about his ‘champion son’ and other potato-related puns.

 “When I told my da he just stood up and walked out the room. He only came back when mum brought out the Blue Ribands. He hasn’t talked to me since. I think it’s hard for him to accept me as I am, him being originally from Eglish and all. My mum has been more supportive, and my sister Roisin said that she always suspected I didn’t like champ. I’ve been keeping this inside me for so long, I can now be true to myself and get tore into the basmati rice whenever I like”.

Some locals have reacted badly to the news, calling for Rafferty to be chased out of the townland to somewhere like Donaghmore or Castlecaulfield where other fussy food people live in relevant harmony. Others have welcomed the news, intimating that it will help Benburb stumble into the 21st century.

Rafferty is currently receiving support and counselling from the Champ & Colcannon Aversion Trust in Craigavon, which helps those with potato disinclination. Anyone affected by this article can contact them on 02980 665887.

About Gombeen

Trying hard to make it up.

Posted on March 22, 2013, in Benburb, Castlecaulfield, Donaghmore, Eglish and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 5 Comments.

  1. A shame and disgrace till us Raffertys everywhere.
    He’ll be getting tore intill the foriegn feedin next!
    I’ve a good mind til dotter over there and headbutt him in the kneecap meself!


  2. My partner and I stumbled over here from a different web address andd
    thought I should check things out.I lke what I see so now i am folloowing
    you. Look forward to lookng at your web
    page repeatedly.


  3. WOW just what I was searching for. Came here by searching for acid reflux diet


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

Ground*ed Hito

Be the light of your own kind.

Scribbles from me to you

My poetry & prose

Life with Saoirse

The ups, downs, laughter and tears of life in a complex family

Kilbarchan Pipe Band Blog

Registered Charity SC045878

The Media Student's Book Blog

Film and media education


Astral Lucid Music - Philosophy On Life, The Universe And Everything...

In Dianes Kitchen

Recipes showing step by step directions with pictures and a printable recipe card.

Video Games Guide - PS Vita, PS3, Xbox , Wii -

Video Games Guide - PS Vita, PS3, Xbox , Wii


All about nature

Fourteen Lines

A Sonnet Obsession

The Irish Peace Process

Catholic Afterthoughts

Ryan Harper Writing

Short Stories, Poems and Songs and random observations

%d bloggers like this: