Monthly Archives: February 2024
‘The Middlin Boys’ Ardboe Male Dancers Disappoint Female Audience In Cookstown
Aiming to cash in on ‘The Pleasure Boys’ exposure in recent days, an Ardboe troupe of men, named ‘The Middlin Boys’, made their debut in Cookstown last night in a performance that was described as ‘disappointing’.
The Middlin Boys, which consists of 4 builders, 2 sparks, 2 plasterers, and a butcher, only performed for 25 minutes as one of the performers needed his inhaler. Another member of the group appeared to be drunk and sat on a chair drinking a bottle of Peroni and just took off his cap, throwing it up in the air, shouting ‘yeeeoo’.
A woman in the audience, who wishes to remain anonymous, added:
“Aye it was a bit of a let-down. After seeing them boys in Belfast at the weekend, I was keenly anticipating The Middlin Boys. They weren’t even middlin. It was more like ‘The Shite Boys’. One fella, I think it was a plasterer, just replastered a wall with his top off. He even took a break halfway though and ate a sandwich with a cup of tea. It wasn’t all that appealing, to be honest.”
The Middlin Boys will be performing in Aughnacloy tomorrow night.
GAA To Offer Grants To Players Who Have Famous Partners
Following on from the Superbowl hype around a Kansas City Chiefs player and a famous singer, GAA officials met this morning to rubber stamp a series of bursaries and grants that will be made available for young GAA players if they manage to find a famous partner.
Over seven million 10-year-olds watched the Superbowl this year due to Taylor Swift’s presence at the game, something that Croke Park would like to see replicated in Ireland.
The GAA’s director of Positive PR, Malachy Cullen, revealed the extent of the financial rewards:
“Say for example, a young man from Trillick started going out with Beyoncé, then he could expect to receive a tax-free grant of up to £50’000 as long as she attends at least four of Tyrone’s big games. The fact that she has a fada in her name would possibly pave the way for more money. We need these lads to step up a bit and try being attractive to big stars across the world.”
Cullen, however, revealed that there would be no back pay after Tyrone legend John Lynch asked if he could receive a lump sum because he tackled Sheena Easton outside the Greenvale in 1979.
Michelle O’Neill To Be Crowned At Tullyhogue In First Inauguration Since 1595
The O’Neill society of Tullyhogue and Stewartstown have confirmed that Clonoe’s Michelle O’Neill will get ‘the full works’ at a ceremony at Tullyhogue Fort as soon as Stormont is up and running again.
The site, which last saw an inauguration in 1595 when her distant cousin Hugh was crowned the O’Neill, is already being tidied up with a man from Cookstown heading up tomorrow with a Massey to mow a pathway to the ancient historical mound, despite charging an astronomical amount for the service.
One of the O’Hagan’s from Derrylaughan has already been chosen to place the golden sandal on her foot to symbolise her authority. The sandal will be bought from Tom Morrow’s in Dungannon, retailing at £69.99.
Music will be supplied by the harpist Terry O’Carlan who will play tunes such as Lady In Red, Changes, and The Heat Is On. A lone piper will lead O’Neill up the Tullywiggan Rd, through the cowgate and up to the mound.
Tickets are limited and can be purchased in Spar shops.
Tyrone Tribulations 