Monthly Archives: October 2021

Koreans May Sue Tyrone Film Production Team Over New Loughshore Film Called Eel Game

The Korean government are currently contemplating suing a small Ardboe film studio, Ghost-Oh Productions, over their new film called ‘Eel Game’ which at first viewing appears to be a complete rip-off of the Netflix hit, Squid Game.

Eel Game’s plot surrounds the story of 100 loughshore locals who have been caught doing the double and are given a chance to get off by the bru office by playing a few games from their childhood. If you fail to win your game, you are made to sign up for the JobSeeker’s Allowance scheme.

The first game is called ‘It’s Your Birthday: Get The Shit Kicked Out Of You’, bringing back fond memories for contestants of getting the lining beaten out of them if your classmates found out it was your birthday. Another game involves licking the chocolate off a Choc Pop, leaving just the mint bit in perfect shape and condition.

A camerman from ‘Ghost-Oh Productions’ argued:

“No way lad. This is our idea. If anything the Koreans copied us and we’ll take them to court. We’ve already contacted Joe Brolly.”

Although filming has ended, all actors have been sworn to secrecy about the series although one inside source told us that one of the key scenes was when contestants put jam over themselves and made to stand naked at the Lough on a warm day and have midges ate you. One actor was taken to Magherafelt for severe bites on his arms and testicles.

Tyrone Man Auditioning For New James Bond Role Told To Stop Saying ‘Deadly’ And ‘Lethal’ At Wrong Times

A Tattyreagh man who has survived three rounds of auditioning for the new Bond role has been given a last warning over his unusual use of adjectives, according to sources close to the studio.

Cillian Murphy, Tom Hardy, Idris Elba and Henry ‘the red boy’ McCann are currently vying for the prestigious role having been whittled down from 4000 applicants.

McCann, who impressed the direction team with his steely silence, slightly turned-in eyes and ability to diff heavy machinery with one hand on the steering wheel whilst eating an apple, has repeatedly confounded script writers by calling the famous singer and innocent love interest in the film, Beyonce, as ‘a deadly girl’, especially after kissing scenes.

Despite being told she has no role in any violence and is simply there as a romantic liaison, McCann continued to call her ‘lethal’ every time she tried on a new outfit even though it wasn’t one of his lines.

Co-director Roger Morgan explained:

“In the new film, Beyonce is in no way a deadly or lethal persona. She’s sweet and nice but McCann won’t accept that and keeps trying to rewrite her role as some kind of cold killer. Although, we do like his ‘now we’re suckin diesel’ after a big action scene and might adapt that as his new saying.”

McCann and Tom Hardy were also warned about continually arguing over who was best between Bucks Fizz and Johnny Logan.

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