Blog Archives

Johnson Attended Behind-Closed-Doors 2020 All Ireland Final. Thought It Was Business Meeting.

Johnson in the Hogan, 2020.

A photo has emerged showing the British Prime Minister Boris Johnson attending the 2020 All Ireland Final between Mayo and Dublin which was played before zero spectators due to restrictions at the time.

Johnson, who admitted to modeling his look on a 1984 picture of Plunkett Donaghy he saw in his aunt’s house in Eglish, watched the entire game last December before heading to Coppers nightclub, which was also officially closed at the time, to get wasted on Bulmers.

A Croke Park steward, who wished not to be named, explained how Johnson didn’t really pay attention after Con O’Callaghan’s goal in the 23rd minute of the final. Brendan Joyce added:

“Yeah, he wasn’t really paying attention and just kept playing Candy Crush and stuff on his phone, raising his head now and again to shout ‘hurrah’. I think he just likes breaking rules, like.”

Johnson was kicked out of Coppers at 3am after a brawl despite being the only punter in the place.

A Downing Street spokesperson defended the British PM:

“What? The All Ireland Final? He thought it was some kind of Anglo-Irish meeting about Brexit. This is news to him.”

Johnson was unavailable for comment.

Boris Just Wanted To Watch The Sunday Game, Claims Aide

As Boris Johnson comes under more pressure following pictures of him eating cheese and drinking Buckfast during the summer, a close aide of the English Prime Minister has jumped to his defence, claiming he just needed his fix of The Sunday Game, which includes watching repeats from previous years.

Johnson, who reportedly based his look on a picture he saw of Plunkett Donaghy in 1984, is an avid GAA fan and subscribes to the Killyclogher GAC lotto on a regular basis.

Jessie Pope explained:

“He kept going on about the final between Kerry and Dublin he’d watched recently on GAA Gold so to shut him up we got the game up on a big screen and gave him a lump of cheese and two large bottles of Buckfast. He lost all awareness of social distancing and all when he saw Michael Darragh MacAuley rampaging down the wing. He loves him.”

Johnson wanted to attend the All Ireland Final this year but opted out of doing so for fear of watching Tyrone win another one. Pope confirmed that Johnson hates the Red Hand County after he was ditched by a girl from Caledon at Glastonbury in 1982 when she said she was going to the bogs but never came back and headed off with a cousin from Magherafelt instead.

Downing Street Party Ruined By Bodhrán Player Anyway, Says Insider

One of the partygoers at the Downing Street party last Christmas has admitted that the party turned sour early on anyway after a bodhrán player broke into a solo version of the Boston Hornpipe.

The illegal party, which threatens to see multiple resignations in the coming days, was said to be going well after Michael Gove gave a rousing rendition of Dirty Old Town and Matt Hancock pelted out Grace to floods of tears.

The bodhrán player, said to have been Jeremy Hunt, misjudged the mood and broke into a solo hornpipe which lasted 6 minutes, by which time several revellers had left and headed to Boris Johnson’s flat for after-drinks.

Our source, who looked like Dominic Raab, added:

“I thought the accordian player was a mood-killer but the bodhrán, frig me, I couldn’t get out quick enough. I’m sure it’s nice sometimes, but not at a secret party.”

Hunt, who picked up a bodhrán at the airport in Dublin in 2017, has yet to be invited to a party since, including a Pogues tribute night in Windsor Castle last month.

Boris Johnson Sneaks Across Armagh Tyrone Border To See Sam & Dazzler McCurry

Sources have confirmed that the English PM Boris Johnson made an unexpected break across the Blackwater in an attempt to catch sight of either Darren McCurry or Sam Maguire, both highly desired icons in the northern hemisphere.

To his delight, Johnson encountered both the Dazzler and the cup in a boutique in Dungannon which McCurry was visiting to get kitted out for the All Star awards in December. The Edendork sharpshooter had coincidentally brought Sam Maguire along to make sure he could lift it when wearing a tight-fitting shirt.

Although no photos exist of the occasion, onlookers described how Johnson persisted in calling McCurry ‘The Dangler’ and dropped the cup five times during a three minute conversation. Johnson proceeded to have a fish supper from a van on the Killymeal Road before heading back to Armagh.

Boris Johnson was in Armagh to commemorate 100 years of Buckfast brewing in Lurgan.

For the record, Dazzler opted for a William Westmancott Ultimate Bespoke Suit which is designed and woven in a traditional Irish mill near Killyman. Padraig Hamspey will be wearing 32-inch Wranglers and a Top Gear ’96 t-shirt.

Ground*ed Hito

Be the light of your own kind.

Scribbles from me to you

My poetry & prose

Life with Saoirse

The ups, downs, laughter and tears of life in a complex family

Kilbarchan Pipe Band Blog

Registered Charity SC045878

The Media Student's Book Blog

Film and media education

LUCID BEING

Astral Lucid Music - Philosophy On Life, The Universe And Everything...

In Dianes Kitchen

Recipes showing step by step directions with pictures and a printable recipe card.

Video Games Guide - PS Vita, PS3, Xbox , Wii - BestVideoGames.site

Video Games Guide - PS Vita, PS3, Xbox , Wii

Naturesl0vers

All about nature

Fourteen Lines

A Sonnet Obsession

The Irish Peace Process

Catholic Afterthoughts

Ryan Harper Writing

Short Stories, Poems and Songs and random observations

%d bloggers like this: