Monthly Archives: January 2019

Coalisland Chip Shop Stockpiling Cowboy Suppers In Case Of No Deal Brexit

cgcojy8w0aab4icA famous Coalisland chip shop has admitted to stockpiling ‘maybe a million’ cowboy suppers as fears about a no deal Brexit continues to haunt businesses up and down the county. 

The Cowboy Supper, consisting of 2 sausages, chips and a slap of beans, has been the staple diet of most East Tyronians since the early 1900s and is often cited as a reason why county managers tend to pick lads from the west. Coalisland firm Landi’s have reportedly hired a storage unit in Dungannon and have already filled it with frozen versions of the meal.

A Coalisland local and avid Cowboy Supper consumer, Paddy Quinn, added:

“This a great piece of news to be fair. I couldn’t care about diesel or Disprins. If we can throw a Cowboy Supper into us once a day who gives a damn about hard borders and stuff. Stick on a Dolly Parton record and all is well.”

Other chip shops are said to be looking into commencing a similar operation, with an outlet in Cookstown already revealing they have stored over 300 pastie baps for Belfast ones who may be visiting their famous market on a Saturday.

Advertisements

Half Of Tyrone On Tablets For Nerves After 80% Of Bins Not Emptied On Normal Day

_95176464_image2Despite repeated warnings that bin collections may be disrupted over the festive period, over 20’000 applications were made for a fresh course of nerve tablets as hordes of Tyronnies struggled to look at overflowing bins this week.

In an additional concern, many families paid uncles and grandfathers to watch bins overnight in case rodents attacked overfilled carcasses of turkeys and other meaty deposits. Over 300 cases of hypothermia were cited in the greater Omagh area since December 27th.

Local GPs have reminded patients that tablets will only be offered if the bin-lid is over 45 degrees open and will only accept photographic proof.

Sion Mills binman and social commentator Jessie Kavanagh admitted that it was worse this year due to the inability of people to look at stickers on bins:

“Unless it’s on Twitter or Facebook, no one knows anything. On my rounds this month for example,  I stuck three stickers on a particular bin close to me about the festive dates and, lo and behold, I saw it sitting on the kerb on the day it shouldn’t have been. People need to read bins.”

The Tyrone Bin Association are to run night classes on bin-sticker reading from February the first. The course will cost £35 or £100 for a family of four.

 

Chinese Make It To Dark Side Of Moon And Find Killeeshil Size 5 O’Neills Ball

C1-000000000003453001-638Wx638HThe Chinese have confirmed that the first image from their un-crewed Chang’e-4 probe which touched down in the South Pole-Aitken Basin this morning was that of a GAA football with ‘Killeeshil GFC’ clearly marked on it. 

Early reports suggest that it may have been kicked in late 2008, hinting at suggestions it was actually a point scored by Hub Hughes against Aghaloo in a crucial intermediate league game. The ball was never found despite extensive searches right into Dungannon.

Efforts to retrieve the ball are now underway due to a shortage of funds at the club. Already, the Killeeshil treasurer has made contact with a few Chinese people to see if they can get the plans they used to get their motor onto the moon.

This is not the first time a successful score by Hughes caused international headlines. His point, ironically in the same year at the end of the All-Ireland final, saw the ball block out the sun in most of the southern hemisphere. The event lead to the creation of a Hughesian religious cult in Taiwan and the Philippines.

Tyrone Farmers’ Association To Trial Sheepflix And Cowflix Movie Apps

p05r3g5yRecent market research has prompted the Tyrone Farmers’ Association (TFA) to roll out two new movie apps aimed at fans of sheep and cow based films.

Sheepflix and Cowflix will be available on all good app stores from February 1st and will include classics such as Shaun the Sheep, Rams (I, II and III) and The Cow and I.

Tullyhogue farmer and animal film buff Winston McMahon maintained he is beside himself with anticipation:

“It’s often said you shouldn’t work with children or animals. In my book, there’s no other work that comes close. The unpredictable nature of our four or two-legged friends can be the source of some comical scenarios. Annabelle’s Wish is one of my all-time favourites. It’s about a cow that becomes one of Santa’s reindeer. I cry every time I see it.”

The TFA reckon their projection of over two million downloads within a year may be ambitious but are confident of reaching at least a million by the start of the summer.

Although an 18+ subscription service is currently in the pipeline, the TFA added that their main focus is to cater for bog-standard material normally ignored by mainstream TV.

“When was the last time you saw Farmageddon on the BBC? And we’re paying our TV licence for what?”

The Media Student's Book Blog

Film and media education

Lucid Being

Esoteric My Universe! Articles And The Abstract!

In Dianes Kitchen

Recipes showing step by step directions with pictures and gadget reviews

Video Games Guide - PS Vita, PS3, Xbox , Wii - BestVideoGames.site

Video Games Guide - PS Vita, PS3, Xbox , Wii

Young Writers and Poets

If writing is your dream, you are at the right place!

Naturesl0vers

All about nature

Dining with Donald

Donald on dining in and out

Fourteen Lines

A Sonnet Obsession

The Irish Peace Process

Catholic Afterthoughts

Ryan Harper Writing

Short Stories, Poems and Songs and random observations

My Journey:

Me and my daughters journey with a GATA2 deficiency, myelodysplasia, a bone marrow transplant and beyond..............

Amber, Like the Traffic Light

Twenty-something, dog obsessed, book-binging gal

Minimal Belle

Creative, mindful & compassionate living

%d bloggers like this: