Tyrone have decided to up the ante this weekend in an attempt to gather their first points in the National League by pretending that Sunday’s game in Healy Park is actually the All Ireland final.

Charging away spectators 90 Euros, the Tyrone County Board are confident that their plans will spook Mayo into losing what we believe will be their 23rd All Ireland Final defeat in a row. In an effort to make the event even more realistic, the board have developed a new ‘Dick Clerkin End’ of the ground where under 8s will be rounded up into and made to sit down and shut up.

Explaining their decision, a county spokesman said that no expense will be spared to recreate All Ireland Final day and put the shivers up Mayo:

“We all know Mayo have lost their last 39 All Ireland Finals. If we can get the 80’000 into Healy Park, the Artane Band and some boy to jump out of a helicopter with the ball before the game, we’ll be well on our way to those two points. Making sure half the crowd are well inebriated shouldn’t be a problem either.”

The Tyrone Board have admitted that fooling Michael D Higgins into attending will take a bit of work because of a bad experience Higgins had with a girl from Omagh in 1958.