Following complaints that chips are being recycled in schools over the course of a fortnight, the local health minister has ordered canteens across the county to serve the children semolina with a prune in the middle of it, for the rest of September, to make them thankful for having chips in the first place.

The initial complaint came from a school near Killyclogher, where a parent said children at her son’s school received the same uneaten, deformed three-pronged chip for a fortnight.

The county’s health minister Jennifer Pudding said it was time young people realised they’re lucky to have a deli counter and choice of desserts compared to her time.

“Semolina and prunes it is for three weeks. That’ll learn them.”

Meanwhile, the new GCSE in Slabberin was launched last week with thousands of Tyronians expected to continue with it through to A Level.