Category Archives: Errigal
Over 20 vehicles with Donegal number plates have been chased back through Strabane and Clady into Donegal after people complained of suspicious behaviour outside the houses of all the Tyrone players due to start in the Ulster preliminary round game between the sides tomorrow.
News of Operation Dirty Tricks first surfaced when two Datsun Sunnys were said to be suspiciously parked outside the homes of the Cavanagh brothers in the Moy, playing Daniel O’Donnell’s greatest hits at full blast from 11am this morning.
In Edendork, a red Fiat with the plate 89 DL 2012 was strategically parked outside Darren McCurry’s penthouse with a TV in the boot playing Packie Bonner’s 1990 save against Romania in loop, with the windows down.
A Tyrone GAA spokesman revealed over 20 cars were forced to flee towards Donegal after angry locals surrounded the vehicles with petrol-lit moss reeds:
“Clonoe and Dromore also saw a number of Donegal cars parked near the homes of McAliskey, O’Neill, McCarron and McNabb. McAliskey’s home was being drowned out with the loudest version of Enya’s Orinoco Flow I’ve ever heard, blasted from the boot of a 1982 Peugeot 504. Paul Brady and Clannad were also in the air around Dromore.”
Mickey Joe Harte was reportedly spotted in person outside the home of Mickey Harte, confusing the issue completely. He was half-way through his Eurovision hit ‘We’ve Got The World Tonight‘ before being chased by Mickey’s nephew Davy.
No cars were damaged, though a poster of Moya Brennan was defaced in Cappagh.
Fingers have been pointed at Jimmy McGuinness who left his Diary of Skulduggery behind in Ballybofey before leaving his post as Donegal manager
Inspired by the story of a senior panel from Donegal club Naomh Columba who stopped to help a man turn his turf in Galway at the weekend, Ballygawley outfit Errigal Ciaran attempted a similar gesture whilst driving through Eglish on the way back from a game in The Moy yesterday.
Unfortunately, the attempted act of kindness which involved digging up 300 kilos of potatoes the size of grapes and 600 pallets of unripe strawberries, has left Eglish farmer Phonsie Jordan thousands of pounds in the red.
Clubman Johnny Bradley admitted:
“We’ve cocked up, yes. We thought it would be great PR for the club after we saw the Donegal lads do the same with the turf. We’ve a lot of students on the team and they haven’t really seen fields with spuds or strawberries in them so they aren’t to blame. We just ripped everything up and waited for the farmer to get back, with smiles on our faces. When he lifted that gun we fairly moved. In fact, some lads ran more in that thirty seconds than in the game against The Moy, going by the GPS trackers still on them.”
Jordan, who has been producing high quality produce for 50 years, fumed:
“Shower of do-gooders. Some of them spuds were as small as peanuts. How did it not dawn on them? And green strawberries….holy Jaysus.”
The Ballygawley outfit have vowed to make up for the innocent error by offering their services as scarecrows over the summer for the Eglish entrepreneur, starting with the defenders in July.
A man is expected at some point later today to devour his 42nd packet of Hula Hoop crisps following the temporary absence of his wife from the home.
Errigal man Plunkett Loughran, a part-time golf ball collector at Donaghmore Golf Club, has so far consumed a variety of flavours including ready salted, salt n vinegar, cheese n onion, and barbeque to keep the hunger at bay. The inept 32 year old’s wife Nuala departed on Thursday on a long weekend holiday tour entitled ‘In Celebration of Nathan Carter’, the Liverpool-born country crooner, together with her two sisters and three friends. She returns tomorrow.
“Jaysus, I got home Friday night after a whole lock of pints watching the football, and there was nothing in the house. Nothing. I was dyin’ with the hunger. It was that bad I ended up eating half a tube of toothpaste for my supper. I wasn’t going to make that mistake again. So Saturday morning I decided to wise up and buy a whole clatter of stuff. When I got home from Costcutters I realised that the only thing I had bought was lots of Hula Hoops. How stupid was that? What an eejit. I meant to get Quavers as well”.
Loughran said he was reluctant to go back to the shop having already felt embarrassed and ashamed at the checkout.
“The girl looked at me like I was a wean. And quite right too to be honest. If I was adult about it I would just have gone for the normal Tayto crisps. But I couldn’t help it. Have you tried them Hula Hoops? They’re class. You can put one on each of your fingers and horse the lot! Deadly”.
It was further revealed that on Saturday evening Loughran gave a loaf of garlic bread and a frozen meat pastie a boil wash followed by a medium tumble dry after having mistaken the washing machine for the oven.
“Who do think I am, Jamie Olivers or Alan Titchmarsh or somebody?” said a defensive Loughran. “I’m not some fancy chef. That’s me finished with hot food. We don’t get on. Still, the pastie was fine. Just a wee bit bubbly”.
Loughran was last seen yesterday afternoon in the bakery aisle of Centra in Errigal, trying to read the instructions on a loaf of bread.
The following video was forwarded to us by an anonymous emailer.
As the Ballinderry contingent left the field last Sunday in Omagh, an unidentified member of their squad shouted a clearly audible comment directed at the celebrating Errigal community on the field. The Ballygawley players and ex-players were initially stumped as to whom the comment was aimed at with the ensuing row boiling over into the long hours of the night outside Quinn’s. Innocent bystander, Phonsie McNally from Keady, was within earshot of the original incident.
“I heard it as clear as you’re talking now. The Errigal players and ex-players were celebrating and mingling in the middle of the field. One of the Ballinderry players shouted across at them ‘and you can feck off ye baldy has-been’. You could see the confusion on the faces of the bald Tyrone lads. Some started pointing at each other with everyone denying it. I can’t beat about the bush. I’m sure it was Peter Canavan he was talking about. But there were at least seven other lads without a hair on their head in that circle, including the fathers and uncles of most of the players. But I think it was Canavan.”
Witnesses say the row escalated during the post-match meal when an unnamed uncle of a family of players in the team went up to buy a pint. Someone shouted “get us one too ye has-been”, resulting in a bar-room brawl never witnessed in Quinn’s since Paddy Russell denied Sean McLoughlin a point in 1995.
“Jaysus it was deadly like. Chairs and glasses were sailing through the midnight air with a whole gang of bald Ballygawley men beating the living daylights out of each other. It was like some kind of bikers’ brawl. All the men with hair just sat there laughing with some betting on the ‘last bald man standing’. Canavan managed to last the pace but you couldn’t help but feel he was the cause of all this. I’m sure Muldoon’s comment was aimed at him.”
Canavan refused to comment but word has been filtering around Glencull since of a man considering the implants.