Maths Teacher Cautioned Over Gruesome Sums

Mr McGrath

Mr McGrath toning it down a bit

A Cookstown mathematics teacher of 21 years experience has been cautioned by the Education Board after his unusual methods were reported by angry parents.

Barney McGrath, who was born in Ardboe but moved to Cookstown in 1979, defended his style, claiming he had already coached over 1000 pupils to success in O Level and GCSE Maths as well as Additional Maths.

Tyrone Tribulations managed to acquire a copy of the latest homework he set his class. It included:

If you beat the head clean off 6 Derry men and kicked the tripe out of 4 Armagh men, how many men have you hammered?

Another puzzled posed was:

You make 16 bottles of illegal alcohol but the cops arrive and confiscate them all. However, during a fake road block you set up and the ensuing bloody shoot-out involving you and the police, you manage to retrieve a quarter of your poitin. How many bottles have you now?

Parent Josie Mulligan admitted she called the Board after her son produced this latest homework:

“Our wee Eoin was having nightmares and wetting the bed. We couldn’t put our finger on what was causing it until he started calling out things like ‘the square root’ and random numbers during one of his episodes. It appears Mr McGrath was terrifying the youngsters with his horrific sums. The man’s a headcase.”

Mr McGrath (49) admitted his methods may be considered somewhat outdated in today’s society but claimed you could hear a pin drop during his lessons:

“People need to loosen up a bit. Maths is maths no matter how you dress it up. My classes are memorable. For example, today I brought in 16 of my wife’s bras and asked the lads to hold up three quarters of them. They’ll never forget that sum.”

His school, St Bruce’s Secondary, revealed he was suspended this afternoon after he set another homework which included:

During an important match between Ardboe and Moortown, 14 innocent Ardboe players received limb fractures, 4 Moortown players pretended to have broken noses and 3 of the officials were slashed by knife-wielding Moortown women. How many people went home unhappy?


About Gombeen

Trying hard to make it up.

Posted on September 24, 2014, in Ardboe, Cookstown, GAA, Moortown and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 13 Comments.

  1. Sounds better than an average math class to me.


  2. Well, the last question’s answer is completely unknowable. Are we to include the crowd? Given that we do not know attendance, we cannot reasonably state how many people went home unhappy. How many watched at the bar? Again, without that, it’s impossible to know.


  3. Sack and/or imprison all outside-the-boxers. After all, if these misfits get kids to think, the kids too might go outside the box . . . and then where would we be?


  4. His wife has SIXTEEN bras???


  5. Kevin Sullivan

    I LOVE this Guy!! I’d have Taken his class in a heartbeat!!


  6. Well no one would be falling asleep on his watch would they! He sounds like a man who has not become PC and is doing his best to get these kids learning. The results of how many in his class pass their exams and their grades should speak to the powers that be, as to whether he is indeed doing a good job or not.


  7. Fair play to him. Maths is essential to an education and it benefits from unusual teachers. I hope he puts his classes on YouTube!


  8. Suspended? That’s really sad. His methods should be put into practice based on certain schools and their results. If being funny and with a bit off joke keeps the kids interesting and achieves good results then why should be care as long he is not doing anything illegal, abusive, bad education, rebellious encouragement etc etc. Sounds like to me he is a normal family man who is trying everything he can with a bit of joke to get these kids interested in the work he does and gain results. Bringing his wife’s 16 bras just says a lot more than it is. Wandering how his wife feels? I am sure she was putting up with his passionate husbands funny methods with a smile in her face knowing it will end soon because of the system. But come on, a maths teacher with jokes? Rare species. I was shit in maths because he wasn’t there for me. I feel like crying.

    Liked by 1 person

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