Monthly Archives: October 2023
Trillick To Put On Two Masses After Errigal Announce Their Pre-Match Mass For Sunday
Trillick this evening confirmed that they will run two Masses on the morning of the county final to counteract the Errigal Mass organised for 11am in Garvaghy on Sunday.
The Trillick Masses, one at 7am and another at 11.30am, will allow fog horns to be blown during musical interludes at their second Mass as well as flag-waving, after Errigal encouraged club colours to be worn during their Mass.
The brainchild behind the Trillick double-Mass, Getty Sunken, has also asked permission from the Bishop to allow parishioners to shout abuse at the priest, to warm up for the match itself:
“Yes, we’re hoping we can hurl abuse at the clergy to make sure we’re fully vocally prepared for the big game. Nothing too obscene, just stuff like ‘are ye f**kin blind’ if he stalls when reading. It’s for the common good.”
Already, over 80 Trillickians have signed up for both Masses.
In other news, a pothole claimed another victim down a rampart in Castlecaulfield today. Mary McGlute (61) broke her ankle on the pothole whilst running after ticket seller.
Lough’s Green Algae May Make Derrylaughan Unbeatable, Claims Scientist
A leading Dutch scientist, who specialises in algae from across the globe, has claimed that the powerful effects of the current malaise Lough Neagh finds itself in could, in fact, be having a superhuman impact on those living close to it, comparing it to the spinach Popeye ate.
In recent weeks, the Derrylaughan senior team have embarked on an unbeaten run, propelling them into the Intermediate semi-final. Next week, they face a Pomeroy team who have subsequently booked a team-bonding weekend in Brocagh up the road from Derrylaughan this weekend in order to bathe in the powerful algae.
Professor Felix Van der Dum explained:
“We have been keeping an eye on the Derrylaughan team since the algae situation blew up. I even attended their last game against Gortin. Your man Kennedy jumped for a ball, reaching a height of 15 feet. That means he could jump onto the roof of a house. Another man by the name of Carney ran 100m in 9.99 secs. The Irish record is 10.17 secs. It is possibly illegal what’s happening.”
Gortin decided against launching a formal complaint despite rumours of the Derrylaughan bus glowing on the way in, as well as specualtion that they’re eating the algae before leaving the changing rooms.
Tyrone Tribulations 