A man is expected at some point later today to devour his 42nd packet of Hula Hoop crisps following the temporary absence of his wife from the home.
Errigal man Plunkett Loughran, a part-time golf ball collector at Donaghmore Golf Club, has so far consumed a variety of flavours including ready salted, salt n vinegar, cheese n onion, and barbeque to keep the hunger at bay. The inept 32 year old’s wife Nuala departed on Thursday on a long weekend holiday tour entitled ‘In Celebration of Nathan Carter’, the Liverpool-born country crooner, together with her two sisters and three friends. She returns tomorrow.
“Jaysus, I got home Friday night after a whole lock of pints watching the football, and there was nothing in the house. Nothing. I was dyin’ with the hunger. It was that bad I ended up eating half a tube of toothpaste for my supper. I wasn’t going to make that mistake again. So Saturday morning I decided to wise up and buy a whole clatter of stuff. When I got home from Costcutters I realised that the only thing I had bought was lots of Hula Hoops. How stupid was that? What an eejit. I meant to get Quavers as well”.
Loughran said he was reluctant to go back to the shop having already felt embarrassed and ashamed at the checkout.
“The girl looked at me like I was a wean. And quite right too to be honest. If I was adult about it I would just have gone for the normal Tayto crisps. But I couldn’t help it. Have you tried them Hula Hoops? They’re class. You can put one on each of your fingers and horse the lot! Deadly”.
It was further revealed that on Saturday evening Loughran gave a loaf of garlic bread and a frozen meat pastie a boil wash followed by a medium tumble dry after having mistaken the washing machine for the oven.
“Who do think I am, Jamie Olivers or Alan Titchmarsh or somebody?” said a defensive Loughran. “I’m not some fancy chef. That’s me finished with hot food. We don’t get on. Still, the pastie was fine. Just a wee bit bubbly”.
Loughran was last seen yesterday afternoon in the bakery aisle of Centra in Errigal, trying to read the instructions on a loaf of bread.