Seven Hospitalised In Coalisland Black Friday Chip Shop Massacre

Cowboy supper

Cowboy supper

Tensions are said to be simmering in Coalisland today after a ‘Black Friday’ promotional offer of a Cowboy Supper with a free can of Lilt for £5.50 in Linda’s Chippy saw fist-fights and head butting, with seven punters still receiving treatment this morning for minor fractures.

The town’s Lord Mayor, Paud McGlone, has called for calm over the weekend with Linda’s promising other amazing Black Weekend deals including a pastie bap for £3.

“Whilst I condemn the fighting, Linda’s maybe need to take a step back and understand that these people are mad for cowboy suppers as well as Lilt, and a combination of both was a death trap. A bit of common sense wouldn’t have gone amiss.”

14 locals were arrested but released within hours, with the PSNI simply asking for a common-sense approach to Black Friday deals in future.

“We will monitor the pastie bap deal closely. Any repeat of yesterday’s scenes and we’ll employ the water cannon with force.”

One of those arrested, Mrs Mary Quinn (71), admitted a feeling of hysteria when told of the deal whilst getting her hair done for Graveyard Sunday this weekend:

“I just lost it. The thought of sausages and chips swimming in a carton of beans and it being washed down with Lilt drove me mad. I just started swinging all around me in the chippy and flattened Fr Fee. He was just in for a chicken burger so I feel very bad about that.”

Linda’s revealed the deal is off the menu this weekend with cowboy suppers back to £4.99 and Lilt at a pound.

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About Gombeen

Trying hard to make it up.

Posted on November 29, 2014, in Coalisland and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 4 Comments.

  1. Thank you
    Fantastic Blog
    Good luck
    ………………………
    http://www.skullweb.org
    —^—

    Like

  2. should have known better than to use lilt,tango or shandy bass would have been more appropriate. ps there was a vicious rumour that it was tropical lilt, as yet unconfirmed

    Like

  3. My thoughts are with the family and friends at this difficult time.

    Like

  4. Thank you
    Fantastic Blog
    Good luck
    ……………………
    http://www.skullweb.org
    OOO-

    Like

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