Monthly Archives: June 2026
Loyalists Add Black Bins To Hate List. Brown Bins On High Alert. As Are Green Bins.
In a chilling statement read out by two men in East Belfast wearing makeshift medical covid masks, black bins have been awarded the same status as foreign nationals, the GAA, the Irish language, catholics, the PSNI, sea borders, the future, the media, the Irish government, the British government, education, shops, gliders and global warming.
In an added threat, green and brown bins are “on thin ice due to their colour for differing reasons” according to the group calling themselves Good Individuals Making Province Smarter or GIMPS.
GIMPS have purposely targeted black bins this week during recent unrest as it was the black bin emptying week and this would gain maximum drone footage as they were likely to be full.
Additionally, Elon Musk, who has recently acquired shares in black bins, recently praised the GIMPS in a tweet, stating: “make your province, minus Cavan etc, great again. Keep burning the bins.”
Newly Formed Tattyreagh Pensioners’ Pipe Band To Play Outside Mayo Team Hotel Overnight Saturday For Charity
In a bid to gain any kind of advantage this Sunday, the Tyrone County Board have asked the brand new Tattyreagh Pensioners’ Pipe Band to play outside Bronzebirch Hotel in Omagh from 10pm to 5am in charity musical marathon to raise money for a new donkey sanctuary in Killyclogher.
The pipe band, which formed just four weeks ago without any real practice, will attempt welcoming tunes such as ‘Moonlight in Mayo’ and ‘Our Lady of Knock’ as well as some home favourites such as ‘The Hills Above Drumquin’ and Malachi Cush’s version of ‘Unchained Melody’.
In other news, Tyrone fans have been asked to try to make this game as attendances have been low since 2022. In order to entice supporters, the county board have agreed to give every Tyrone person 50p off the St Enda’s soup, sold in the grounds. The famous soup has been featured in many media outlets with stars such as Nicholas Cage calling it ‘pure deadly’ in 1989 according to a tale passed down generations.
Tyrone Tribulations 