Calls For Ban On Fake Tan As 14 Faint During First Communion In Strabane

fake-tan-gone-wrong14

Mrs Quinn, mother of Julie

St Michael’s Church in Strabane is currently being fumigated after 14 people fainted, including the priest, due to intense fake tan fumes from mothers, daughters and allegedly one father celebrating the First Communion service in the town.

Fr Dunghan, who is known for his strong stomach, was seen wobbling during communion as the young girls lined up and finally keeled over after the 4th mother arrived to receive the holy bread. It was subsequently confirmed that another 13 men had fainted, who had previously been considered just sleeping.

Pianist Marjorie McLaughlin admitted she was finding it hard to read the music due to the intense smell:

“My eyes were running and all. And the stench was like a byre during the winter. What’s wrong with these people? There was one mother who wasn’t wearing any fake tan and she wasn’t allowed in the group photo until she went into the toilet and rubbed a handful of soil around her face to take the bad look off it.”

One young first communion celebrant was seen in tears after the service as her Tesco Fake Tan gave way during a sudden deluge of hailstones outside, leaving her dress orange and white and resulting in cruel taunts of ‘you’re from Armagh’ from her classmates.

Fr Dunghan, who is currently recovering with his maid, has urged local politicians to ban fake tan in Strabane unless it’s an open-air event:

“Holy smokes, it’s just not on. The lipstick and blusher I accept. In fact it can do wonders for a few of my parishioners. But this tan business has to stop or I’m leaving the vocation and taking up selling pallets or water filters with my trusty maid.”

Meanwhile, a father who was accused of also wearing fake tan at the service has denied the accusation, urging people to accept the fact that he’s just a car mechanic.

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About Gombeen

Trying hard to make it up.

Posted on May 21, 2016, in Strabane and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink. 9 Comments.

  1. John inChicago.

    You are firing on all cylinders with this one.
    About time you did a few “Video reports ” the world is waiting.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Surely this can not be true!!!! The lady in the picture must be a character on stage ie: pantomime, yes?!! Great for drama, stage, ch, but for a serious commitment ceremony: baptism, FHC, Conformation, Wedding and I could add a funeral. Really, is this a ‘style’?

    What’s even more sad is that the kids’ ‘dress up’ was a focal point. What were they ‘dressed up’ for? Do they know?!
    What was the ‘REAL’ reason for this obvious occasion? Did everyone understand that? 😔

    Final question: Will they be at mass each week? Just wondering….

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Hilarious! Perhaps the bottles of fake tan can be replaced by bottles of ‘cop on’ after this holy silly season has passed😁Oh they didn’t mention in the article re any wigs falling off the little ones heads whilst tilting their heads back to receive the Holy Bread – Oh I got it – all of them received the Hosts on their hands😉

    Liked by 1 person

  4. This has to be a joke! Can’t believe it really happened!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Is this woman in the photo for real????
    Holy communions are turning into a real joke & its all the parents fault. Cheap, nasty and extremely TACKY!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. First time that I have read any of this. Its hilarious. Thanks Robert.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. James Falconer

    Margaret Mc Laughlin,R.I.P.,Priest’s Housekeeper in Melmont,Strabane was killed recently in a tragic car crash in Strabane.She was a friend of mine.She didn’t play the piano!

    Like

  8. Ulsterbuddhist

    Which was the more fake. The tan it the religious ritual ?

    Like

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