Slimline Darren Clarke To Shorten His Name To A Symbol; Others To Follow Suit

Darren Clarke

Darren Clarke

Major winner Darren Clarke from Dungannon, who has shed pounds through a gruelling fitness programme, is reportedly about to slim his name as well, following in the footsteps of American singer Prince who adopted a symbol in the 90s. Reports tonight within the county suggest that many local stars may also follow suit including footballer Peter Canavan, singer Hugo Duncan and snooker player Dennis Taylor.

A golfing insider, who may or may not have met the golfing giant, insists he will choose a circle with a pile of lines around it and a plus sign. Johnny Ray added:

“Yes, he will probably adopt the symbol soon, reflecting his new look. It’s sort of hard to pronounce but it’s sort of like Gnnrrrhhh. To be honest I haven’t spoken to Darren about this but there’s a chance this is true. It could mark an Indian Summer for the great man, despite the difficulty the first tee announcers will have saying Gnnrrrhhh.”

Reports from Ballygawley suggest that Peter Canavan is watching closely how all this pans out and already has a sign made for his switch from a normal name to a symbol. GAA expert Donal McAnulty admitted:

The Artist Formally Known As Peter Canavan

The Footballer Formally Known As Peter Canavan

“I have been heavily involved in this process. If all goes well with Darren, Peter Canavan’s new name will be a bemused baldy man symbol. Word people say it’s pronounced Verrrrmm. I have it on good authority that if this goes ahead he will refuse to answer anyone who calls him Peter.”

Hugo Duncan will soon announce that a cream bun will be his new name whilst Dennis Taylor will adopt a piece of turf in place of his baptismal name.

Meanwhile Prince, who now uses his original name, has warned against these proposed changes, claiming it was awkward on the phone when people would ask for him using his one-time symbol which was completely silent when translated.

“I was on the bucking phone for ages asking who they were looking to speak to. Sometimes up to four hours.”

 

 

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About Gombeen

Trying hard to make it up.

Posted on April 23, 2014, in Ballygawley, Coalisland, Dungannon, GAA, Strabane and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 6 Comments.

  1. Any newson the uncomfirmed rumours that Mickey Harte will be taking over the Man United job?

    Like

  2. Any further news regatding the as yet unconfirmed rumours that Mickey Harte is set to take over at Old Trafford?

    Like

  3. A wonderful idea! All fatties with a fondness for pies can call themselves pie – radius squared!

    Like

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