Training for the 2024 Olympics began in earnest across the county today after it emerged that break-dancing, wife-carrying and more importantly line-dancing were added to the official schedule for the Paris Games.

Tammy Kilpatrick (40) from Annaghnaboe, the East Tyrone Line-Dancing champion from 1998-2017, has come out of retirement in a bid to become Tyrone’s first gold medalist at the Olympics and has already downloaded Achy Breaky Heart, Boot Scootin’ Boogie and Chattahoochee in order to brush off the cobwebs:

“I can’t believe it. I’d be very confident. Once you win in Ardboe Hall, you can win anywhere including the big arenas in Paris. Let’s be honest, it’s going to be between us and the Yanks and I’m not sure if they have the hunger we have here. I’m starting to think Brooks was bribed not to come to Croke Park all those years ago to keep us on the back foot.”

Early rules have already stated that all men must wear a checked shirt tucked into their jeans which may need practising as many locals had begun practising the more European shirt outside jeans look in recent years.

Schools will receive grants for after-schools line-dancing classes in preparation for the Los Angeles 2028 Olympics which will hope to garner 12 gold medals for the Emerald Isle.