Arlene at Sinn Fein bash?

Following the large turn out at the successful DUP Champagne Reception in an art gallery at the International Conference Centre in Birmingham, an East Tyrone Sinn Fein member has organised a Buckfast Breakfast in Coalisland where members and outsiders can come together and get lathered while chomping on Cookstown sausages and black puddings. 

The innovative DUP initiative apparently saw members consume copious amounts of the devil’s buttermilk and, whilst under the influence, admit that a United Ireland mightn’t be that bad a thing really and that some Nationalists were actually dead on. Having sobered up by late evening, the DUP reverted back to their initial stance that Ulster is and always shall be British and that Nationalists are not to be trusted to even go to the shop for you.

Sinn Fein’s Malachy O’Neill is sure that a alcohol-fuelled event is the way to go:

“Adams is very keen about this. If they’re softening with a couple of Moets in them, what’ll they be like with a skinful of Buckfast in their system. We’re bringing along all sorts of contracts and agreement documents for them to sign whilst under the mellowing influence of the Lurgan Champagne. Might even get the curt from Arlene.”

O’Neill hopes that after the third bottle, Foster will hand over Tyrone, Fermanagh and Armagh, with Derry possibly needing a Barrack Buster thrown in.