Tyrone GAA To Hire Snipers To Nick Spectators Illegally Watching Games Behind Hedges
Tyrone GAA today issued a plea for any good snipers to turn up at Garvaghey tonight for a briefing on this weekend’s matches which are barred to the viewing public.
Current guidelines state that only players and officials are allowed to attend club games but with a sudden increase in hedge-cutting around the perimeter of pitches, the county board are suspicious that many may show up pretending to walk dogs and stuff.
Board member Barry De Burgh explained:
We’ve seen a marked increase in gardening and hedge-cutting around pitches this week. Coupled with ramparts being rid of brackens and ferns, we are sure that some members are planning to attend games on the pretense of being out for a walk. They’ll soon move on that when they feel the whizz going past an ear lobe.
Snipers have been asked to graze onlookers who stay over ten minutes in one particular spot.
In other news, subs on teams have been asked to not take it personally if they’re told to stay at home. In order to comply with guidelines, shite players will be text an hour before throw-in to stay at home and follow the game on Twitter.