Suspect Fraudulent Claims Rocks Greencastle Farming Community
Government officials today were refusing to comment on the news that upwards on 150 claims are to be investigated by the ‘Bad Snow Compensation Bureau’. The Bureau were alerted to the possible misdemeanors after a zoo official, who was in their office registering a personal snow-plough, indicated that there were definitely no giraffes in Greencastle. Farmers were invited last month to forward a list of animals they may have lost in the drifting snow in the hope that some compensation would ease their financial losses. The Bad Snow Compensation Bureau’s Johnny Bingham explained:
“We received an unusually large quota of claims from the Greencastle area in the immediate aftermath of the recent snowfall regarding the loss of a vast array of animals not really seen that often around the bottom of the Sperrins. Farmer Devlin claims he lost 33 ostriches and an elephant in the snowdrift. A neighbour, Johnny ‘the yellow boy’ McCullagh, maintains the extreme weather cost him three giraffes, two alligators and four kangaroos. I know the snowdrifts were unusually high but the giraffe is stretching the imagination a bit. Add to that the fact that no one had ever seen a giraffe in the area and it’s beginning to look a bit dubious.”
McCullagh is still adamant he is a few exotic animals down after the snow and explains why locals had never spotted them before the tragdey:
“What does it matter if these people hadn’t seen the giraffes? People here in passing would just put them down as big horses. The two alligators were fairly camouflaged so I can explain that one away. The kangaroos are private individuals and brilliant at avoiding detection. I’m fairly gutted about their disappearance to be honest.”
When pressed on the fact the coyote noises coming from the barn were quite obviously his wife and children faking it and that no animal was recovered when the snow melted, McCullagh muttered something about them being in heaven and to get off his land. Devlin and McCullagh stand to receive £300’000 if successful. John Teague’s claim for a missing wooly mammoth wasn’t even processed.