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Brocagh Bull Identifies As A Cow. Scientists Stumped.
A Brocagh bull that keeps hanging around the milking machines has stumped scientists into believing that it identifies as a cow.
Bertie, who is now called Cassie, spends most of his day with the other cows, and allows young children to play on its back and swing off his horns. To confirm the suspicion, Bertie was thrown into a field of 45 cows in heat but curled up in the corner and went to sleep.
Owner Patsy McGahan fumed:
“I’ve been sold a pup. I needed a bull and bought this one off a boy from Portadown. I paid big money and yer fella said he’ll go all night and all day. The only thing he goes for is a dander around the yard, staring at the cows being milked. To say I’m disappointed is putting it mildly. Cassie is actually eyeing up another bull these days.”
In an idea to prove it was a bull, McGahan dressed as a matador and tried to goad Bertie/Cassie into showing some aggression. The bull just turned around and ate some grass.
Poetry In Critical State In Tyrone. Valentine Competition “Cat”.
This year’s Tyrone Valentine’s Limerick Competition was the “worst standard in living memory” prompting the county council to write an email to all school headmasters to “up the literacy skills a notch” according to sources at the Clogher Poetry Society Headquarters.
The annual poetry competition attracts thousands of entries from single men from all over the county looking for a partner. The top three poems are read out at a dance in the Clogher Halls by the winning poets who usually head home with three women from the pack who gather to hear and inspect the talented wordsters.
“Eff me pink, it was cat altogther,” Henry Wisdom, chair of the Clogher Poetry society told us. “I had to wade through mountains of pure tripe. I’d reckon that 90% of the entrants managed to slip in farm machinery or drinking. One boy, from the Moy, was able to somehow rhyme ‘X Factor’ with ‘Caterpillar Track-Type Tricycle Tractor’. Romance is dead in Tyrone. I pity the women, I really do.”
Despite the falling standards, the panel eventually managed to narrow the entrants down to three, with “Ardboe Women” getting top honours for its depiction of a man sneakily looking at a naked woman around the Lough shore.
Winning entries below:
1ST PLACE – ARDBOE WOMEN: By James Devlin
It’s great to live in Ardboe
To Moortown I’d hate to go
The women here are fair
And great when they’re bare
Like my neighbour beside me on Sundays, ghost-oh
2ND PLACE – NICE STRABANE MAIDENS: By John McElhaton
The women in Strabane are wile nice
But there’s none I can entice
What’s wrong with me?
I’ve a diesel turbo SUV
I’d buy you a chicken fried rice
3RD PLACE – LONELY IN BRACKAVILLE By Godfrey Gillis
This year I hope someone says yes
Now that I’ve a permanent address
But, if you say no
I couldn’t stick the woe
And I’ll have to torch the buckin wedding dress (that I bought in the Island)
Tyrone Tribulations 