These boots never saw Loughmacrory air

A well-meaning Loughmacrory pensioner, Johnny McGee (72), has finally patched up marital differences after a misjudged Christmas gift left the McGee household a frosty abode for the guts of two weeks around the festive period. McGee, a retired bus driver, thought he would surprise his heavy-set wife Kitty (71) with a pair of thigh-length leather boots after he received a torrent of abuse last year for buying her a pound of mince and a hairbrush.

“You just can win with her. OK, I understand the hurt and pain I caused last year with the mince and comb thing. I thought it was practical but apparently a woman wants something that makes her feel good. Well, I was browsing through some shops in Omagh and thought they were quare warm-looking boots. At her age she needs to retain as much warmth as possible in the winter months. I thought the stud design was a bit classy. Apparently not. It was a quiet Christmas dinner I can tell you. She just slapped a few spuds on my plate and sat in the corner drinking gin til December 28th.”

Kitty, who has been battling a cake addiction since the age of 19, saw the situation differently:

“He is a dirty oul bastard. Keep me warm, my arse. Ever since he got the Internet he has been making all kinds of suggestions. In the summer he bought me a thin polo-neck and short plaided skirt. I don’t know what he’s looking at on that computer but we’re in our 70s for Jaysus sake. Leather-studded knee-length boots? I’m 16 stone. It’d be some sight trotting out to the Centra in those. I’d be the talk of Loughmacrory. The £200 refund came in handy. I bought a good commode and chewing tobacco.”

An Omagh Ann Summers staff member did admit she thought it was a bit odd to see Johnny  in that shop at that age and really unusual for a punter to ask her to try them on first, which she did.