Following India’s successful landing on the south pole of the moon, Stewartstown Council has confirmed that fundraising has started in the town to pay for a space station near Tullyhogue, aiming at a 2025 manned launch to the dark side of the moon.

The proposed location, named Tin Station, has been cleared of trees and hedges in anticipation of the completion of the £1.7b fundraising campaign. Organisers have asked for civilian volunteers with experience of working in a butcher’s shop, as well as in a Credit Union, to go on the rocket.

Henry Fee explained:

“Stewartstown is not only going to the moon. We’re going to colonise the dark side, starting with outrageous deals in kebabs and joints, as well as attractive interest loans for the locals through the Credit Union we’ll open. The Cliffords will be welcome too.”

The first fundraising event will take place next week at a Bazaar in the clubrooms. First prize is a year’s free parking at Drum Manor Forest Park.

Three volunteers have already taken the aptitude test with all three unfortunately failing. Two of them were in their 80s and the final one had a history of diarrhea.

India have yet to comment.