Officials at Stormont have rubberstamped plans to use teachers in July and August, with most being asked to refill potholes, cut hedges, or operate temporary start-stop signs at roadworks.

Although all teaching unions have vowed to fight the decision, government insiders are convinced that the decision cannot be overturned, with one remarking ‘this will wipe the smug smirks off their faces’.

DUP councillor Margarite Bryson explained:

“Teachers wouldn’t need to forget that they work for the government. They get paid a full wage for doing nothing for two months apart from going for coffee or living it up in Majorca. We’ve already earmarked a road outside Toome that has 17 potholes and the hedges need a good trimming. If we can assign about 10 teachers to that road in July it’ll be in some shape by September.”

Three teachers have already taken up work on a road near the Moy, taking turns to operate the temporary stop-start sign. Unfortunately, one of the teachers, who normally teaches RE, pulled a muscle in her left arm and is out on the sick for three months.