Women of Tyrone have been told to wear sunglasses at all times when outdoors this weekend after a spate of men between the ages of 50-65 have been spotted parading around Dungannon, Cookstown, Omagh and Strabane wearing 1980s GAA shorts once sported by Plunkett Donaghy, Kevin McCabe and John Lynch.

The shorts, which are now illegal in 17 counties due to multiple court cases for indecency, are still legal in Tyrone. Last week, a crowd of Americans touring the county, looking for broken Celtic crosses, was sent screaming back to their bus after two men from Galbally emerged from a gap in the hedge wearing their club’s shorts from their successful 1986 Junior League campaign.

One of the tourists, Brock Power from Arizona, commented

“Balls on them like stallions. I didn’t need to see that after a hearty irish breakfast, man.”

County officials have asked women to wear the darkest sunglasses possible over the next while in most rural areas in the county.

In other news, people from Edendork have been told to stop licking the melted tar on the roads. A tiktok video has been blamed for convincing them it was liquorice.