A sadness has descended upon the bushes as Tyrone people have been ordered by Stormont officials to stop saying they’re sucking diesel as an expression of happiness, as it’s driving the already-nervous fuel prices up even further.

The ability to suck diesel, which dates back to 1700s Augher when locals used to suck diesel from primitive lawnmowers to spit into the mouths of donkeys to make them work harder, has been a staple diet of Tyronians as an indication that things were going well.

When asked by the Tyrone Tourism Board (TTB) how they should replace the phrase when expressing their happiness, they were told by MLA Justin McNukky to just say something like ‘aye, deadly enough’, but to definitely not mention fuel.

Meanwhile, the Tyrone county squad has been bolstered by the return of Harry McClure and Jon Lynch.