A Moortown spinster maintains she has a solid case to take against Clubland in Cookstown after claiming that the smoke machine they used during the slow dances made it impossible for potential suitors to see her all done up. 

Hillary McClintock (53) is hoping to claim up to £10’000 in damages after she failed to get one curt over a four-year period despite attending the disco for over 200 consecutive weeks and twice one week over Christmas. Her barrister maintains that he has evidence that the smoke machine made it much harder for Hillary to show off her rugged loughshore looks, even during Bryan Adams slow songs.

“My client even wore figure-hugging dungarees which we all know are irresistible to lads from Clonoe and Brackaville. It doesn’t make any sense. My sister who had two eyes heading in different directions met her future husband during a Wet Wet Wet song even with the smoke coming down. Not sure if I’ve just ruined my own argument there.”

McClintock has yet to say how the £10’000 was arrived at but is confident she will at least get a voucher of some sort, even though the Pink Pussycat nightclub doesn’t exist any more.

Meanwhile, scientists in Queen’s University in Belfast have revealed that the most likely song to get a partner at a Cookstown disco during the 1990s was Cotton Eye Joe.