McAlindens arguing about wheaten bread

A Brackaville couple have set a Guinness World Record after a non-stop arguing session lasting nine days, breaking the previous record set in Brazillia in 1985. Felix and Marjorie McAlinden began arguing two weeks ago after Felix’s failure to bring home wheaten bread from the shops in Coalisland for the second time in a month. In a straw that broke the camel’s back, neighbours maintain that Marjorie let rip on Felix with an outpouring of grief encompassing incidents as far back as their honeymoon in Omeath 15 years ago. Next door neighbour, Gerry Turtle, says he heard the whole thing from the beginning.

“Before the wheaten incident, they seemed like the ideal couple. It was all smiles and hand-holding – something you don’t see a lot of in East Tyrone to be honest. Then, when Felix brought back the milk and firelighters but no wheaten, all hell broke loose. The walls are thin here. I could hear her tapping the table and then quietly, at first, saying “you good for nothing oul bollocks. That’s twice since Christmas. Wheaten f**kin bread. Milk, firelighters and wheaten f**kin bread.” It went on in that vein all night. It was savage stuff altogether, much worse than that couple in Fr Ted.”

The Brackaville community have welcomed the news, claiming one over Coalisland whose only world record was in 1982 when a young lad was judged to look the most like Shakin Stevens. Avid walker Pauline Herron told us:

“You should see the looks of the ‘Island ones. They won’t even talk to us now just because the McAlindens have put Brackaville on the world map. Shakin Stevens knows where he can shove it.”

Having been told by the Guinness company that they were now the record holders, the McAlindens ignored the accolade and continued to argue about Facebook and the fact that Marjorie keeps making Felix look at pictures of babies he doesn’t know.