Plunkett J O’Neill

By Pat Muckles

A Clonoe man, who confused the offer of Free Wifi with an invitation to get himself a Thai Bride, has been handed a 3 year suspended sentence at Dungannon Crown Court after causing £10,000 in damages at a local bar.

It is believed that Plunkett J O’Neill, 63, of O’Rahilly Gardens in the townland, entered the shebeen demanding a Thai Bride and when told several times that it’s not something they offered, proceeded to wreck the place, shouting obscenities, smashing glasses and even letting the fire extinguisher off.

Peter Duffy, solicitor for the accused stated:

“It’s a simple case of my client getting the wrong the end of the stick. He said that he was told by a neighbour that he should get up to the bar and get a Free Wife, Hi. Not knowing one iota about computers, he wanted to get up there before they ran out. If anything his fleetness of foot for a man of his age should be commended.”

Conor McNally, who was working at the bar at the time, was left shaken and confused:

“We started giving away free wi-fi in a bid to attract the sort of people that’ll pay £3 for a cup for of Mellow Birds. Next thing you know, Big Plunkett J comes stormin’ in roaring luckin about Thai Brides and Free Wives. He wouldn’t take no for answer and next thing you know there was an ashtray making its way for my head. I had no choice but to call the cops and as luck would have it they were across the road at the chippy.”

Tribulations tried to make contact with Plunkett J for a statement but were told he was away on holiday.