Tyrone Newspaper To Capitalize On Page 3 Gap In The Market

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Cappagh man posing for The Tyrone Tabernacle

Following the news that The Sun newspaper have abandoned their Page 3 slot, a prominent Tyrone newspaper has moved to fill the gap in the market by using images of local tradesmen, bare-chested and staring provocatively at the camera.

Despite protestations from local religious groups and most women in general, the paper will reveal their first page three model at the weekend, rumoured to be either Barry McElduff or Owen Mulligan, depending on the results of an online poll compiled today on their website.

In a bid to attract potential male models, the editor of The Tyrone Tabernacle has promised not to be selective and will not insist on size-zero applicants. Tabernacle editor Leon Nolan told us:

“Tyrone women have traditionally yearned for the man who shows signs of having consumed a few pints over the years. It’s like a comfort thing I think, like a sausage supper on a cold night.”

Nolan revealed he has already received 522 photos from men across the county, hoping the exposure will see them land a woman by the end of the year.

“I know masculists will be up in arms over this but if there’s a market out there for plumbers, joiners and stove-fitters from 17-70 in the buff then so be it. We give people what they want. We promise to have their spanners, wrenches and hammers all on show.”

Fishermen will also be allowed to contribute as long as their rods are retractable, especially for close-up shops.

 

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About Gombeen

Trying hard to make it up.

Posted on January 21, 2015, in Cappagh and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.

  1. Rather liked this splendid piece of genuine satire.

    Liked by 1 person

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