A Clogher man who feared scaring other visitors into thinking that he had the Covid by coughing out loud, eventually soiled himself after holding in the cough for 45 minutes during a period of strict silence in honour of the Trappist Monks.

Fortunately for the young welder, the monks were able to use his defecation to power electricity in the monastery for three days due to a feed of cabbage and spuds he devoured before he left the house that afternoon.

Pious McGlone, 44, admitted to the deed but only because he wanted to spare other observers from worrying that he had the coronavirus:

Yes, it was quite the handlin. I was bursting to cough but didn’t want to ruin other people’s day. I was gagging and wretching after 30 mins trying not to cough but finally let rip after 45. Only it came out the wrong way. I’m just glad I was able to provide the monks with three days of electric by what I produced. A silver lining.

A spokesperson for the monks have thanked McGlone for his gift but added that no more is needed and that this was an exceptional circumstance.

McGlone coughed all the way home after it emerged he had a bit of a chocolate eclair sweet stuck in his throat.