Following today’s free publicity in the Assembly by TUV leader Jim Allister, the 70 acre Dungannon Park area is to apply to have the idyllic oasis turned into one of the biggest GAA grounds in Ireland to be named after the MLA man himself.

The ambitious 70’000 seater stadium will honour the TUV MLA who hinted today of his wish for a modern GAA ground beside the Moy Road which could serve the whole of Ulster, even Monaghan, Cavan and Donegal.

Park ranger Tommy O’Colton beamed:

Fair play til Allister. I never knew of his deep-rooted desire to capitalise on the Dungannon success. This man is a visionary and should even have a statue of himself on the walkway in. Yer man Gildernew can pay in though.

Plans are already in place to have the All-Ireland of 2022, the Commonwealth Games and the LGBQT Games, of which Allister is a fervent supporter, to be played in the Park.

Parents who walk children in the area and feed ducks have been told to go to Peatlands or Drum Manor and to stop whinging.