Wailing and gnashing of teeth was the common sound amongst the bushes this week as thousands of Tyrone children were forced to walk to the shop for messages, some walking as far as a mile in windy conditions.

With parents keen to save pounds on astronomical diesel costs, children as young as NINE have been asked to walk to shops to get stuff like milk, ham and the Irish News. Social Services are on high alert.

One teenager, who cannot be named for legal reasons, admitted it has been a trying week. Stephen Beggy (15) from Eskra added:

“This really should not be happening in 2022. At the same time, I can’t wait to tell my grandchildren about the time I’d to walk 3000 yards to buy a packet of sausages and butter. They’ll not believe me.”

Meanwhile, a Brocagh man has been shamed by locals after being spotted supporting Armagh in Clones a fortnight ago, wearing his club jersey. He is currently holed up in a derelict house near Carnan.