Vatican representatives have distanced themselves from the revelations that worshippers are being charged for a rash of hidden charges whilst going to confessions across the county.

It emerged late last week that the following fines have recently been imposed at confessional booths:

• £10 if confessions last more than 20 mins
• £10 if too long is spent on justifying the sin
• £10 for stammerers
• £5 for over 5 sins
• £20 if the same sins are used twice in a 3-month sinning period

A 77-year-old parishioner from Strabane, who wishes to remain anonymous, fumed

“I had to go to the Credit Union last month for confessions and all I did was swear under my breath at the wife and have bad thoughts about the weather woman on TG4, but I’ve a stutter. It’s a disgrace during this cost of living crisis. I’d save more money dead, or just sinning away like a bollocks.”

A priest in Cappagh is hearing confessions without hidden charges but is currently booked out until 2025.