An Eskra plumber has been given a final warning by his infuriated wife after throwing FIVE different towels into the wash basket on FIVE consecutive days.

Kevin Seery, who is regarded as one of the finest toilet menders in the county, has told friends that if he doesn’t reuse a towel or put it back in the hot press the next time, he has been ordered to go back to living with his mother who is described as cranky and cantankerous by local business owners.

Mrs Veronica Seery explained:

“I’d normally be mild-mannered and come from a long line of tolerant Maguire women, but this bastard is on his last legs. Last Saturday I counted 7 towels in the basket, 5 used by him. I’ve been through three washing machines in the last five years and it’s him and his towels that’s wrecking them. My children reuse a towel for a fortnight. I’ve never seen him open that hot press once.”

Mr Seery attempted to explain to his wife that he gets covered in all types of excrement in his line of work but was swiftly given an uppercut.