A Pomeroy electrician has admitted that things have gotten so tight this month, after a Christmas spending splurge, he is contemplating making a cake made out of stuff from the back of his cupboard, including soup lentils, Horlicks, and a dried-out Pot Noodle which was Best Before Feb 2022.

Dermy Devlin, who usually hokes around the back of the cupboard around the 25th of most months, declared that January has been so tight this year that he has already defrosted and eaten a dinner he put in the freezer during the Covid years and wasn’t sure what it was.

“Tight month alright. I’m thinking down the line here and reckon I could make a cake made out of Oxo stock cubes, barley and half a bag of brown flour. I found a tin of sardines and a jar of pickled onions yesterday and made a delightful sandwich, washed down with diluted blackcurrent juice. It might be something I’ll try again if I’ve guests around.”

Devlin revealed another top tip he has used during the week that he believes may be set to revolutionise budget spending in the home:

“I use teabags three times. The key to this is to drink three cups of tea in rapid-quick time with one teabag so that the teabag never dries out and maintains a level of acceptability. So that means I’ve three cups of tea in one sitting and not just one. By the time I’ve drank the 3rd cup, sometimes within about seven minutes, I’m sick of the tea and don’t want any more for at least six hours.”

In other news, a pothole in Dungannon has been granted a provisional place on the UNESCO World Heritage List and is set to become a tourist attraction for its size and longevity.