The Croke Park Seagull has joined us here today in what promises to be the most remarkable interview ever done on the island of Ireland this year.

The gull made national news after he stayed on the field of play in the All-Ireland Final on Sunday between Galway and Armagh until he was forcibly removed by a steward halfway through the first half.

In this explosive interview, we learn a little about his background and what made him do the unthinkable on Sunday. Strap up for one hell of a ride.

First of all, tell us a little about yourself.

Well, first of all, thank you for having me here. Us seagulls rarely get the chance to speak on national platforms so we as a community are grateful for the opportunity to do this.

Remember, only tell us what you’re comfortable with

Yes, well my name is Steve. I’m actually a herring gull and come from a long line of gulls from Dublin. In fact, my great aunt actually came from your neck of the woods, near Dungiven, but she was unfortunately shot by a farmer in Draperstown. (sobs)

Very sorry to hear that and if anyone reading this has been affected by farmers shooting at them, please contact us and we’ll see that you’re sorted. OK, moving on, why were you on the pitch on Sunday?

Well TT, to be honest, I was sick of what I was watching so I decided to push up on the Galway kickouts in the first 10 minutes to make them go long. We need to see some midfield battles again and I made sure any space in front of the keeper was filled.

Fair point. We noticed that you changed wings after 15 minutes. Not on the field, your actual wings. Why was that, my man?

You have to keep evolving in this game. I could see McGeeney squinting at me so I took advantage of that and sort of shape-shifted a bit. It worked and you could see Rian O’Neill was totally off his game at the start. He was bamboozled.

You have come in for a bit of criticism after it emerged you’d signed up to a sponsorship deal with Paddy Power before the game, is this true Steve?

Well TT, when you are gull with a life expectancy of 20 years you have to make hay. I also had PP tattooed onto my beak but the cameras didn’t pick it up. My bosses weren’t best pleased (laughter)

Finally Steve, any plans for another TV appearance?

Well, the people behind Mrs Brown’s Boys contacted me asking if I’d be interested in making a guest appearance. I told them to go to (BLEEP) and that I’d rather be stoned by a pile of Dublin kids that appear on that shite.

Apologies for the language there, readers, but that’s live interviews for you (laughter).

I’d like to take this opportunity to give a shout-out to Julie, the wife, who is unwell at the minute with the vomiting after accidentally eating her own faeces thinking it was ice-cream

Thank you very much Steve for the interview. Next week we will have a very special guest in the studio which I know will be the best one yet.

(Steve the herring gull attacks TT presenter).