A miser from the Ballybay Rd in Brocagh has committed to being even more of a hateful member of society, despite being visited by three ghosts over the weekend.

Jimmy ‘The Stinge’ Robinson, who once sued a child for kicking a ball into his tulips, was adamant that the visits from the three ghosts have confirmed he’s been right all along:

“The first two ghosts toul me nothing I already knew. The boy from the future showed me my funeral. No one turned up apart from the bin man and the neighbour’s wife who I’d a fling with outside the Glenavon in ’88. So I thought, the rest of them can go to hell. If they’re not going to my funeral anyway, I’m going to make their lives a misery from now on. Pure shower, the lot of them.”

Robinson ended the interview by running towards a group of children playing football and booting the ball into the Lough and giving them the middle finger as he ran off.