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Anti-Elon Musk Bonfire Appears In Tamnamore As Orange Order Protest Against ‘No Flags On Mars’ Policy
Twitter owner Elon Musk has felt the backlash of South Tyrone bonfire makers after a replica of one of his rockets appeared on a bonfire in Tamnamore in protest of his ‘no flags or bonfires on Mars’ policy.
Musk, who also knows how to say hello in Irish, recently confirmed during a meeting with the DUP in New York that there would be a strict ban on 12th of July paraphernalia on the planet Mars if humans ever manage to settle there in the near future.
Speaking on behalf of the Tamnamore Bonfire Committee (TBC), William Hopkins explained:
“Musk will need to think twice about this policy. The Mars he is depicting sounds like one devoid of culture and tradition. We even told him that if he allows bonfires on Mars, we’ll stick his arch-rival Zuckerberg the Facebook boy on the top on ours on the new planet. You can’t get more cultural than that. Teslas are shite anyway.”
The DUP have yet to comment on the bonfire as they await confirmation of whether Mars is real or not, according to the bible.
Elon Musk Buys House In Stewartstown. Plans To Turn Town Into Massive Car Charging Station.
By Aughoughilley Schniffles
Elon Musk, founder of Tesla, the Boring Company, and now the owner of Twitter was spotted coming out of a Cookstown estate agent this morning. When asked why, he excitedly shouted, “I just bought a mansion in the Stewartstown, goddamit!”
The South African native was reportedly finally sold on the idea when he caught Stewartstown Harps GAC’s win on a chipped firestick at his home. It is said he was between two minds between the Maldives or Tyrone but the game and the manner of Stewartstown’s win clinched it for him.
When pressed why he told a clatter of onlookers:
“I need to be surrounded by ‘can do’ people. I don’t like ‘no’ and I REALLY love red and white.”
Mr Musk has reportedly told those closest to him that he wants to change the nickname of the club from the Harps to the “Steamrollers”
Musk confirmed on his Twitter account that he plans to install an incredible 10,000 electric car charging stations in the town, which logistically is impossible, given 63 is considered gridlock in the town at present. There are also rumours that he plans to freeze Lough Neagh and use it to store Twitter servers to keep them cool.
In other news, Feargal Logan has urged his co-manager Brian Dooher to call up the entire Harps forward line to train with the county panel.
Tyrone Tribulations 