By Aughoughilley Schniffles

Elon Musk, founder of Tesla, the Boring Company, and now the owner of Twitter was spotted coming out of a Cookstown estate agent this morning. When asked why, he excitedly shouted, “I just bought a mansion in the Stewartstown, goddamit!”

The South African native was reportedly finally sold on the idea when he caught Stewartstown Harps GAC’s win on a chipped firestick at his home.  It is said he was between two minds between the Maldives or Tyrone but the game and the manner of Stewartstown’s win clinched it for him. 

When pressed why he told a clatter of onlookers:

“I need to be surrounded by ‘can do’ people.  I don’t like ‘no’ and I REALLY love red and white.”

Mr Musk has reportedly told those closest to him that he wants to change the nickname of the club from the Harps to the “Steamrollers”

Musk confirmed on his Twitter account that he plans to install an incredible 10,000 electric car charging stations in the town, which logistically is impossible, given 63 is considered gridlock in the town at present. There are also rumours that he plans to freeze Lough Neagh and use it to store Twitter servers to keep them cool.

In other news, Feargal Logan has urged his co-manager Brian Dooher to call up the entire Harps forward line to train with the county panel.