Trillick, just now

The 2013 Trillick Fun Day did not reach the expected heights the planning committee had envisaged, reflected in the general content of an essay competition the local school ran in its aftermath.The mid-February extravaganza was a new initiative by the planning committee to raise the profile of the area, after the national census figures revealed that 96% of teenagers can’t wait until they’re 18 so they can move to Tempo or somewhere like that where there are slot machines or the pictures. Local principal and committee treasurer, Master Grimes, told us that going by the essays he read it wasn’t exactly a fun day.

“It seemed to be a bit of a washout to be honest. We didn’t have much of a budget so all we could hire was a third-rate carnival company from Lusk. Alarm bell rang when they arrived with just the one lorry. Out of it they pulled 6 bales of hay, a pony, 10 hula-hoops, the game Twister, 3 skipping ropes, 2 cats, a crate of raspberry TipTop drinks, 2 old boxing gloves, eggs and spoons and a few newspapers. Having charged locals £10 in, we knew we were in a spot of bother. It started to rain heavily as well. The cats were running for cover, the pony refused to get out of the lorry when it saw the weather, the bales of hays were soaked through but at least everyone had a go on a hula-hoop and most managed a slug of the TipTop drinks. One of the pupils’ essays on Monday had a rather witty title called “A Fête Worse Than Death” but went on to describe the horrors of seeing one of the cats choking its way through the hard-boiled egg. We made £4000 though.”

Organisers say they plan to use the £4000 to pay off some of the damage caused when a few lads donned the boxing gloves and went around boxing the heads off ornaments outside houses down the Galbally Road.