‘Brazilian Cougar’

Following a short inspection by the Irish Zoo Safety Team, Tyrone’s first fully fledged zoo was forced to close after it emerged that half the animals weren’t actually what they were advertised as.

Opened on the 12th January, Cappagh Zoo promised visitors ‘an experience of the jungle merged with the ultimate safari experience’ with tours starting at £25 for a one-hour visit. Suspicions emerged almost immediately on social media after a customer videoed ‘zebras’ in the Zebra Pit barking and urinating in a dog-like manner up against trees.

The tweeter, Paul Gargan, added:

“I was very suspicious. The ‘Deadly Cat’ was simply a fat cat, probably filled full of carbs and steroids. It just lay there scratching itself and meowing.”

Other messages began appearing, casting doubt on the ‘Japanese Orangutans’. Gargan explained:

“I personally know that supposed orangutan. He’s called ‘Hairy Harry’ and he lives up above Carrickmore. He’s remarkably hairy but he’s definitely Harry Gormley, not an orangutan.”

Several visitors demanded their money back after the ‘Exotic Aquarium’ featured several salmon, trout and eels just swimming about.

“Sure you’d see that every day down by the Glenelly River. I paid £75 for this. My two sons started crying at the camel section. It was obvious that the ‘Cameroonian Camel’ was a donkey with a lump on its back. What the lump is I don’t know but it’d need to be taken to the vet or put down.”

The Irish Zoo Safety Team took the decision to close the zoo after they discovered a ‘Jaguar’ (painted Alsatian) openly mating with a ‘Giraffe’ (Labrador), causing great distress to a group of primary school children.

Cappagh Zoo officials were unavailable for comment.