By Aughoughilley Schniffles

Happy chicken fried rice-loving Moy snake

Tyrone Tribulations can reveal that the first wild snake to be discovered in Ireland since the time of Saint Patrick has been captured alive in one of Ireland’s oldest counties, Tyrone.

The tiny village of Moy, made famous by Gaelic football star Plunkett Donaghy and former underage Ulster rugby talent Shaun Kavannagh, finds itself once again on the map for an altogether more slippery reason.

A one metre snake, at this stage considered to be completely safe and non-venomous (simply due to the fact that no-one has been bitten by it so far) was found warming itself next to a wheelie bin out the back of the co-operative store, which locals are now petitioning to have renamed ‘Steve Irwins’

Manageress on duty at the time, Julie Rushe, is believed to have been so frightened by her discovery that she repeated the word ‘Jaysus’ over 200 times before reporting the find.

It is thought to have survived on scraps from the local Chinese take-away, easily accessed with its forked tongue.

The juvenile snake, christened “Brolly” by locals, is believed to have wriggled its way to Ireland undetected in the bag of one of three local youths who have just returned from a working holiday in Australia.

The three, who have spent the last year backpacking and fruit picking on a banana farm in Queensland, have returned home to see their beloved Moy take on Moortown in the first round of the Tyrone Senior Football Championship.

Cardinal Rodney Serpentine, formerly of East London, spoke to us from the Armagh Cathedral – ironically the exact place Saint Patrick reputedly showed Saint Bridget how to weave the cross that made her a household name.

“Would you Adam and Eve it? Fantastic news for the area. It has really tipped the scales in Tyrone’s favour for an influx of American and Australian tourists who will now feel more at home here, what with animals they see all the time and not just your usual cows and stray badgers.”

He added:

“Its funny really because when I first came to here from London, I was told to look out for the snakes around the Moy!”

Tomney’s bar are also offering a promotion on pints of snake-bite at £7.50 each until the end of May.

It is expected that the snake will be relocated to Australia, or else just flushed down the toilet.